I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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