Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize