so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
