I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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