kristin has been a bad kristin
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
