Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
