She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
