good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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