Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
