Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
