mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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