I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
