I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize