I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
