I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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