I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
