i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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