If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize