Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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