dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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