I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
