If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
