I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
