The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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