I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
