She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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