New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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