My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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