My liver just broke up with me...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
