So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
