I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
