I think I won the penis lottery.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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