I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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