somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
