You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
