Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
