Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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