I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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