He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
