you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
