He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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