did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
