I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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