before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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