Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
