I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
