The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
