I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
