I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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