Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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