literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
