i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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