I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
