It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
