Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
