Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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