I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
