OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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