There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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