so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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