Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
