Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
