i just had sex bonerless
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
