Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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