you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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