I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
