I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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