I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
